“11am”

Stream of Consciousness essay.

Tues Nov 5, 2024

The thoughts flow from the well like a fountain lately but none of them seem to move with any direct intention. Poetry seems to come and go, but other than that trying to pin down my thoughts are akin to trying to hold a flame in my hand. If I try to squeeze the flame goes out and I feel the burn.

It isn’t for lack of inspiration, I think it’s the opposite. The Aquifer to my spring seems to be overflowing in every direction and the schedule I have once kept to gather fresh water has to adjust. I might even have to build a well, perhaps one day a power source if this river continues to grow. When the streams all decide to meet something truly special will come together in my mind, so for now I take the time to let the water rise, even if it’s overwhelming. Everything is overwhelming in the best possible way.

The music is just another part that seems to just be flowing a long. The vision has become slightly blurred, but the light down the path is brighter. So long as I can see what’s in front of my face to keep my bearings, all is well. Even now trying to continue on and share where my consciousness makes it difficult to grab the words out of the air. When moments ago they were all ready to be written. The vibrations seem to get closer and closer together; like I have to decide and decipher which ones are for me to hear and which are for me to create.

So much has changed for everything to be so familiar. So much of me has become something new just to blossom into the flower I always saw in my mind. Maybe that’s the trick to this. Protecting the dream of ourselves with such vigor we can slowly become that without the world’s opinions making any difference. Keeping our fears so close to our chest that we fall in love with them. Running so free that we take hurt after hurt; to only ever slow down to heal and continue to trudge.

The Riverbanks flood and the water finds new places to flow sometimes but my streams seem to be converging in the same direction. In such a way that I continue to be surprised, but that too is my own design. Choosing not to know or pretend to know is a real concurrence that most don’t want to participate in. I guarantee the more you release and admit you don’t know for a fact or certainty, the more you’ll be allowed to learn. I didn’t make the rules, I just follow em.

And so it goes…